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A Eulogy for the Juul
Don’t Be Sad it’s Over, Be Happy that it Happened
It’s been more than a year and a half now, since I last inhaled a puff from the Juul. Sometimes I see it in my dreams. I reach out to take a hit, but then it slips away into oblivion.
The things I would do to feel that sleek, cold metal wrapped between my fingers again. The things I would do.
For those of you who’ve been living under a rock, the Juul is a device, created by the gods, which was most popular between the years 2016–2019.
To the untrained eye, the Juul could easily be mistaken for a USB flashdrive, used to upload files into your computer.
Instead of uploading files to your computer, the Juul uploads joy to your neocortex. It’s remarkably easy; you charge it in your laptop, plug in a pod, and suck that sweet nicotine salt down your throat.
The haters will claim the Juul was just a cheap method of getting a quick, fleeting nicotine fix. But the Juul was so much more than that. The Juul was a way of life. It was our modern ambrosia, the sweet nectar the Greek gods drank with reckless abandon.
The Juul changed everything because all of a sudden, nicotine wasn’t disgusting. No, it tasted great! It came in mint, mango, cucumber, and whatever the fuck else the…
